Resources

How do I know if I have a problem?

Specific Behaviors:
  • Having sexual sites bookmarked
  • Joining sexual sites to gain access to online sexual material
  • Searching for sexual material through an Internet search tool
  • Spending money for online or phone sexual material
  • Participating in sexually related chats
  • Using sexualized usernames or nicknames on the Internet
  • Masturbating while viewing sexual material
  • Accessing sexual sites from multiple computers
  • Taking increased risks online (giving out one's name and phone number, meeting people offline, etc.)
  • Experiencing significant physiological changes while visiting sexual Internet areas (e.g. increase in heart rate, sweaty palms)
  • Viewing more pornography, for longer periods of time, or seeking more hard-core pornography to get the same level of excitement as at first
  • Spending time planning when you can view sexual material
  • Spending inordinate amounts of time obtaining sexual material
  • Having online sexual affairs or encounters
  • Engaging in online fantasy that would be illegal if carried out

Continuing the Behavior In Spite of Negative Effects
  • Neglecting important social, relationship, occupational, or recreational activities to view pornography
  • Continuing the behavior despite it having caused or having the potential to cause significant problems (such as legal risk, risk of job loss, interference with spiritual or religious life, relationship difficulties, financial problems)
  • Continuing the behavior in spite of family and friends expressing concern about your online behavior

Secrecy
  • hiding the behavior from others (moving the computer monitor so others cannot see it, lying, using the computer at times when others aren't around, worrying about others finding out)

Attempts to Quit/Loss of Control
  • Repeated attempts and promises to stop using pornography and consequent repeated failure
  • Wanting to stop but feeling unable to stop
  • After stopping viewing pornography, the desire to view it again gets stronger and stronger
  • Getting on the Internet for something else but ending up viewing pornography

Using Pornography to Deal with Emotions
  • Using pornography as a reward; to escape, deny, or numb feelings; or to avoid problems

Negative Emotions Connected with Use
  • Feeling anxious, angry, or disappointed when unable to access pornography
  • Guilt or shame connected with pornography use
  • Punishing self for using pornography

Book List

For Individuals Struggling with Problematic Sexual Behaviors

What's the Big Deal about Pornography? A Guide for the Internet Generation
(2008), Jill C. Manning. Shadow Mountain Press, Salt Lake City, UT.

Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery for Individuals, Loved Ones, and Leaders
(2005), Mark Chamberlain, Dan Gray, & Rory Reid (Editors). Deseret Book, Salt Lake City, UT.

Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
(2004). Mark Laaser. Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior
(2001), Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico & Elizabeth Griffin. Hazelden, Center City, MN.

Purity and Passion: Spiritual Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Marriage
Wendy L. Watson. Deseret Book

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul
John Eldredge.

A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in the Process of Recovery
(1993), Patrick Carnes.

Don't Call it Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction
(1991), Patrick Carnes.

Forgiving Ourselves: Getting Back Up When We Let Ourselves Down
(2008). Wendy Ulrich, PhD. Deseret Book, Salt Lake City, UT

For Spouses

Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts
(2008), Stefanie Carnes, Editor. Gentle Path Press.

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner has been Unfaithful
(1994), Janis Abrams Spring. Harper Collins Publishers

NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
(2004), Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli.

Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity
(1999), Emily M. Brown

Discussing Pornography Problems with a Spouse: Confronting and Disclosing Secret Behaviors
(2002 & 2005), Rory C. Reid & Dan Gray. Mental Health Publications, Salt Lake City, UT

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
(2004), Janis Abrams Spring. Harper Collins Publishing, New York, NY

Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal
(2001), Marlene M. Maheu & Rona B. Subotnik. Sourcebooks Inc., Naperville, Illinois

Living with Your Husband's Secret Wars
(1999), Marsha Means. Fleming H. Revell, Grand Rapids, MI.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie, Hazelden

The Dance of Intimacy
Harriet G. Lerner. Harper & Row, New York, NY

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Harriet G. Lerner. Harper & Row, New York, NY

The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
Harriet G. Lerner. Harper & Row, New York, NY

For Couples

b>Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness: Couples speak out on healing from sexual addiction
(2004). Jennifer Schneider. Recovery Resources Press.

Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World that Pulls Us Apart
William J. Doherty, Guilford Press.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John M. Gottman. Three Rivers Press.

Purity and Passion: Spiritual Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Marriage
Wendy L. Watson, Deseret Book.

Rock-Solid Relationships: Strengthening Personal Relationships With Wisdom from the Scriptures
Wendy L. Watson, Deseret Book

Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships with Recovery, Romance & Reality
(1999), Patrick Carnes, Debra Laaser & Mark Laaser

Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual & Relationship Recovery
(2005), Patrick Carnes.

Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again
Michele Weiner-Davis.

The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal our Hearts and Homes
James L. Ferrell, Deseret Book.

For Parents

Pornified:How Pornography is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families
Pamela Paul.

Protecting Your Child in an X-Rated World: What You Need to Know to Make a Difference
Frank York & Jan LaRue

Home Invasion: Protecting Your Family in a Culture that's Gone Stark Raving Mad
Rebecca Hagelin.

How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character
Brenna & Stan Jones

Kids Ask About Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age
Edited by Melissa R. Cox & the Medical Institute for Sexual Health

Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children about Sex and Character
Pepper Schwartz & Dominic Cappello.

Between Parent and Child: The Best-Selling Classic that Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication
(2003). Haim Ginott, Alice Ginott, and H. Wallace Goddard. Three-Rivers Press.

For Clergy

What's the Big Deal about Pornography? A Guide for the Internet Generation
(2008), Jill C. Manning. Shadow Mountain Press, Salt Lake City, UT.

Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery for Individuals, Loved Ones, and Leaders
(2005), Mark Chamberlain, Dan Gray, & Rory Reid (Editors). Deseret Book, Salt Lake City, UT.

Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal
(2001), Marlene M. Maheu & Rona B. Subotnik.

Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
(2004). Mark Laaser. Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior
(2001), Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico & Elizabeth Griffin. Hazelden, Center City, MN.

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
Addiction (2001), Patrick Carnes. Hazelden, Center City, MN.

12 Step Programs

Information Coming Soon

Service Six

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Get Help Now

You can recover from pornography and sexual addicitons

Get Help Now

LifeSTAR Washington provides participants with a combination of group therapy, education, tools, and resources to help overcome unwanted sexually compulsive behaviors.

1300 SW 7th St. #101, Renton, WA 98057 | 253.880.5651 | office.lifestar@gmail.com